You’ve had a tiny taste of the world outside the nest, but Mum keeps bringing you back. What’s a Cupcake Kitten to do?


Dah dum…dum DAH de dah dum…
Dum dum…dum dah de dah de dah dum…

Dis is Praline of da Cupcake Kittens here, known to my fellow prizoners as “Big X” and I iz da leader – of eberyting!! Anyway, we iz unjustly imprizoned in dis tiny space and having tasted da freedom and da fresh air and da big sky it iz our dooty OUR DOOTY I TELL YOU! to excape. So we have formed an EXCAPE COMMITTEE wid me as da leader, of course. Let me introduce you to da team:

INTELLIGENZ is my sissy Truffle. Let’s face it, we gurlz is da only ones wid da intelligenz

DA TUNNEL KING is my stoopid brudder Pumpkin. He practiz tunnelling at da milk bar. He iz very annoying, but he haz yoosfull skillz, but he hav to learn to stop yelling. He alert da guards.

DA COOLER KING is brudder Sprinkles. Just coz he want to be. I think he iz more yoosfull if we use his hed as battering ram, but he iz bigger dan me and sez he will sit on me so he get wat he wantz.

DA SCROUNGER is brudder Snickerdoodle. He juss open dem big baby bloo eyes and hoomin gib him watever he want. I will smak him for it later.

DA MOLE is brudder Val. He look like a mole.

Den der is da enemy:

DA KOMMANDANT is Mama. She want us confined in dis tiny space and she pik us up by da hed if we get away. It hurt and we get teef marks in da neck.

DA GUARD is da big hoomin. She in leeg with Da Kommandant, but she iz soft an squishy under tuff eggs…egster…ekzteri…outside. We can turn her.

DA DOUBLE AGENT is da strange brown kitten wid da hornz. He neber move and he neber mew and he smell funny. He iz not to be trusted.

So wid that formy double team behind me and da eyez of da enemy upon us, we meet in secret to plan….DA GRATE EXCAPE!

Plan 1. We go ober da wire: Dis is plan we hab been practising for since we wuz tiny and Pumpkin found exit through da bloo wall and fell to earth wid a big thud. I think he landed on his hed, which explain a lot. I suggested he try da same tactic now he is bigger but he wuz strangely reluctant, even though he got free milk bar da last time.

Plan 2. We make da tunnel: For first attempt we send brudder Snickerdoodle to tunnel under pink blankie. He get a long way in but it iz so warm and cozy dat he fall asleep…. FOR AN HOUR! He iz der for so long we think he die so we say prayer to moon for hiz immoral sole and think goodie, more milkie for us! But he come out. Swizz! Anyway, he say tunnel duzzent go under da wall cuz he met Val comin da udder way, practising his mole skillz.

Plan 3. We go in dizgize: Pumpkin say he can dizgize himself so nobody noes it’s him an he excape past da guard dat way. I say, who you disgize yourself as an he stick out his tung an cross his eyez and lay on his back an say look at me, I’m Praline. I get him in hed lock an pound him wid my feets until he sqweek. Dat teech him.

Plan 4. We go by flyin: Dis Truffle’s idea. She say we can build glider from stuff dat’s in da den, so we look around an can only see da Chickenfish, a bowl, some pouffy thingz and dat blasted thing wid da hornz. She say we can use Chickenfish as da foozy large an da bowl as da gun turret an den Val say we got no wings an Snickers say we got no toolz an Sprinkles say we kittens for hevvens sake we got no thums so we abandon dat idea completely.

Plan 5. The high-tech solution: We wait until dark, then sneak outside and cut the telephone cable before disabling the burglar alarm system and switching off the power using the main breaker. Then we obscure the camera lens while setting the computer to repeat the feed on a continuous loop showing a shot of us sleeping. Then we use a small blade to slit open the tape securing the poster board screens and we slip out quietly, closing the boards behind us. Then we all pile into the DB7 and hi-tail it to the airport where the Lear Jet will be fuelled up and waiting to fly us to….er…wha happen? I sorry, I musta dozed off fer a moment.

Plan 6. We rush da gate: We wait till da guard is der and Sprinkles (Da “Cooler” King, ha ha!) can wriggle and yell and wine like he always duz an da guard will pik him up an say sshhh an den we hed for da gap an….FREEDOM!

I dunno, tho. It a bit cold out der an da ground is hard an Mama is callin milk bar an we all a bit sleepy….

Maybe we bide our time…we chooz our moment…we lull dem into sents of force sekurity. Yep, I’ll be over here, snugglin up to Mama…I mean, Da Kommandant, an plannin….always plannin….Cupcake Kittens will be free…soon….zzzzzzz…

Dah dum…dum DAH de dah dum…
Dum dum…da dah de dah de dah dum…

2 thoughts on “You’ve had a tiny taste of the world outside the nest, but Mum keeps bringing you back. What’s a Cupcake Kitten to do?

  1. I’ve just read this one again, it always makes me smile! Actually I am reading all of them again. Your stories bring out the best of emotions. Funny, poignant and full of life. You have a great gift.


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